a badly punctuated stream of consciousness

Let the stormy clouds chase everyone from the place!

Hello all,
I am writing this in a lovely frame of mind, which is a nice change from yesterday. I realise it has been a long time since I wrote a proper blog about my happenings (I am purposely not including the last one because it wasn’t really a narrative about my trip, but rather a bitch about it) so this will probably end up very long, and most certainly will not be finished in this lunch time. But I thought I’d start right now, while I’m thinking about nice things and feeling positive.

Firstly, let’s start with the traditional song lyric. This is from a Jamie Cullum favourite of mine:
I’m all at sea
where no one can bother me
Forgot my roots,
if only for a day
Just me and my thoughts
sailing far away

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

But now I need you more than ever
I need you more than ever now

You don’t need it every day but sometimes don’t you just crave
To disappear within your mind, you never know what you might find
Come and spend some time with me
We can spend it all at sea

I love this song, not just because it’s Jamie Cullum, but because in a lot of ways it sums up exactly how I feel. It’s all about, but never actually says, solitude. But solitude is one of the things I have really enjoyed here. Being along with my thoughts, even when I’m surrounded by people. And there are a lot of thoughts. Sometimes it can be lonely, especially if I’m having a blue day, but often it’s on those days that I long to be alone, rather than having to face people and focus on a language and culture that requires a lot of concentration. I do love Japan’s language and culture, but sometimes I feel too tired to or too (can’t think of the word) to really feel like focusing. And also, although I miss home and am impatient to be there, and although I am a very social person and crave the company of my friends and family, I have also really welcomed the break. Often at home I get so addicted to the highs of my social life that I hardly get a chance to just be alone with my thoughts, so I have been revelling in the space. Also, I think when I get into a bit of a habit of being alone and enjoying my own company, sometimes the company of other people is frustrating, although I found this didn’t really apply as much to the other girls from uni when we were together at Komatsu College. This is surely because I have to work harder here when I have company of a Japanese person, whereas with the girls from uni we just speak English and it’s all easy and comfortable. Anyway, point is that I have been enjoying the solitude this trip has afforded. J
Also, I love the line ‘like a warm drink it seeps into your soul’ because that is exactly what warm drinks do! I am getting a little bit sick of green tea, and people are still surpised when I prefer water over anything else, but I have appreciated warm drinks more and more as the weather gets colder. Particularly at school where the classrooms are fairly chilly, to come back to the staff room and warm my cold fingers around a charmingly shaped Japanese tea-cup and feel the ‘miruku koko’ (hot chocolate) seeping in to warm me up, is so lovely.

So right now I’m sitting at a desk in the staff room of another Japanese primary school. This isn’t the primary school I was at before, which is good and bad. Good because it’s good to see the differences between schools and get a broader experience of Japanese schools, but annoying because I was already familiar with that school and I knew the kids and I knew where everything was etc. and also, because that was a bigger school, I felt I had a little more anonymity. Obviously, everybody knew who I was because I stood out like a sore thumb, but I was much less the centre of attention the whole time. And I’m sad too because I’d started to be sort of friends with a couple of the teachers, so it’s sad not to see them again. But of course everybody at this school is very nice, and because it’s much smaller, there are fewer names to learn. I just find myself frustrated sometimes because I have to get used to a whole new routine again. But so far it’s going pretty well.

Except for yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day. I didn’t sleep very well the night before, and so when I got up in the morning, my tummy was a bit dodgy. That happens to me sometimes, when I’m stressed and particularly when I’m sleep deprived. Plus, breakfast is hard enough for me at the best of times (usually don’t like to eat for atleast an hour after I’ve woken up) but is doubly hard here because they eat A LOT for breaky, and it’s quite often foods I would consider to be very un-breakfasty. The salad and stuff isn’t so much a problem (although still getting used to cold broccoli and yoghurt pasta salad :S) but the fish and meat sometimes is. Anyway, so I already felt a bit dodgy, and then they fed me very peppery onion soup for breakfast. I managed to eat/drink it, along with the toast and egg salad thing, and then went off to get ready feeling rather queasy but thinking I could manage it. Didn’t really think I would throw up, but then I brushed my teeth a little too roughly and that was enough to set off the gag reflex. So yeah I threw up, but then I felt much better, which was good. Went off to school and I thought I’d explained it to the host family and it was ok. But got to school and the principle and several teachers asked if I was ok throughout the day. I had a bad headache and just wasn’t feeling real crash hot, but I was fine. some aspirin would have been nice, but since I’ve run out, I just had to deal with it. All I wanted to do was get on with the day and hope I didn’t get any worse (thought it might have been the start of a migraine.) But the more people fussed about it, the more frustrated I got. And the more and more worried I became about them making a mountain out of a mole hill and sending me to hospital again!!! Fortunately this morning I feel much better and there is no need for hospital. And I have come to the conclusion that I really hate it when people fuss over me. And I’m pretty sure it isn’t just a Japanese thing, but obviously it’s exacerbated by being away because host families and people are worried about me. But people do it in Australia too. I think it’s probably just a personality thing, some people maybe like to be fussed over, whereas I normally would rather not have a heap of attention if I’m unwell or injured. (memories of spraining my ankle in gr 8….) I do understand why people do it, but it’s just frustrating because I always find fussing from people I don’t feel close to, so basically anyone except my immediate family or close friends, totally awful. Probably that is because I feel like I have to be polite and endure the fussing rather than just being able to say ‘mum! It’s fine! leave me alone!’ haha! Anyway, I survived and today I feel pretty good.

So I walked to school in the rain this morning. Had a big umbrella, but as Jemima says, in reality those things are useless unless the rain is only very light. When it’s really pouring down like it was this morning, it makes no difference. Ok, so your head stays relatively dry. That’s about it. Cos there are huge puddles everywhere and not only do you have to step in them but the raindrops are so huge and heavy and falling so fast that they make splashes in the puddles and pretty soon your whole bottom half is wet. Plus cars going past splash water up at you and the wind blows the umbrella around a bit so inevitably your arms and torso get a bit wet too. And by the time you get to school, well, you may as well have not had the umbrella. Oh well, I’m mostly dry now. Pant cuffs still rather damp though. But fortunately the rain has stopped so I think I should be right to walk home relatively dry.

I’m at a new family again this week. Really like them. They are a mother, father, grandmother, 10 yr old girl Yukiko and 15 yr old girl Mayuko, and there is a son about my age but he lives in Tokyo. I think he’s coming to visit this weekend so I will meet him then. I think I like the family because they are pretty laid back, and the grandma is hilarious. She talks to me and I don’t understand half of it because she uses some dialect, but she’s just really cool. She’s always offering me cake and sweets, and pointing funny things out to me. I can’t really explain, but yeah, she’s funny. And I guess this family is the most like my own family so far, because the kids are girls and they are fairly grown up (wouldn’t have guessed Yuki was only 10). And they aren’t in my face all the time, which is good. No fussing! Lol. I feel very comfortable with them and in their house, which they moved into last weekend! So it’s brand new, and I love it! Makes me re-realise how lucky we are in Australia to have so much space and stuff. This house, because it’s new, is very big. I’d say about the size of an average Australian 2 story, but it’s special here in Japan because most houses are so small. And also they have got new furniture to go with the new house, which is great, cos my goodness how I have missed furniture! I don’t know how they do it, sitting on the floor all the time, mostly on their knees! My body is obviously not used to it, because I was never ever comfortable. So I am very grateful for the dining table and the couches in this house :D And also, the bath is just gorgeous! It’s a bit bigger than most baths I think, and it’s made of granite. It’s so beautiful, I love it so much. I feel all luxurious J And the thing I love MOST about this house is……wait for it………..THEY HAVE A PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheer with me now! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was getting rather frustrated, because the other 5 girls have all or nearly all had one or more host families who had a piano, but none of them can play. And then me, the one who can play, and infact physically needs to play to keep her sane, hadn’t had one family yet with a piano. Until this week I think I could count on one hand the number of times I’d played. But this family has a piano and I am forever grateful. I have played for atleast an hour every day this week and it’s just amazing the effect it has on my mood. Soothes my weary soul. Billy Joel is right. ''A baby grand is all I need.'' Ok so this isn’t a baby grand, but as if I care! It’s got 88 black and white keys and 2 pedals and I love it. So that’s been really good, and I’ve finally been able to put some music to some of the songs lyrics I’ve written. And because the piano is in a room of the house all by itself, I can also sing, which is so good. I love singing. Maybe you know that already :P Oh, and every time I play the baachan (grandma) comes in halfway through and babbles at me and then claps and leaves. Haha. It’s very funny.

So the last three weeks were spent at Komatsu College, aka ‘the tandai.’ All six of us girls from CQU were together again, and it was a fairly relaxing three weeks because we didn’t have prac or anything to do. Also, it was great because most of us hadn’t really spoken English or seen each other at all since week 1, so the first three we hardly did anything but talk over each other in our haste to tell everyone what had been going on for us, and laugh very long and very loud. It was great! I think we scared the people around us because we just had the giggles and could not stop laughing! It was probably all the pent up stress from 5 weeks of prac being released, and it was just awesome.

Another reason I really liked being at the tandai was because we were around people our own age. Obviously I like kids, and I like adults too, but I had missed the presence of people my own age. So even though most of the students didn’t talk to us much, if at all, I was glad of their presence. And we did make some friends. Well, we’d sort of already met them at the English conversation thing way back in the first week, and then we went to Karaoke with them in about week 3. Do you remember? I can’t remember if I wrote much about it in my blog at all. But anyway, so we already knew a couple of the boys there, and we met lots of other students in the various classes we went to. Basically while we were there we had a class or two every day, and then some free time in the library. This free time was to be used to study our uni subjects via the CQU website. We did some of that. But we did more chatting than we should have. And more you-tubing and googling and myspacing and facebooking and downloading of podcasts. Hehehe. I became very addicted to podcasts actually. Particularly ABC Radio National Life Matters. Which is funny because I used to hate it when mum and dad listened to it. But now I love it! It was good because I got a bit more information about the election campaign, and also it seems that the topics just generally are of interest to me. There were lots of episodes on education and child development so I thoroughly engaged with that. And just hearing the Australian accents was nice J I even wrote to them! That’s how much like my father I am! Scary isn’t it! And I raved about it so much that I even got Jemima and Kate looking into podcasting Life Matters too! Hahah! But this week I have had to go cold turkey because I have only got the school internet again and I’m having withdrawals symptoms!

Speaking of the election actually, we all had a bit of a toast at lunch on the Monday after. And for about a week when the mood got low or just at random intervals when people weren’t thinking about it, one of us would say ‘Kevin07’ or something like that, and we’d all smile and laugh again. I for one was very relieved at the outcome and hopefully it will be the start of a new era (and maybe he will push for more LOTE education in schools! Ganbatte Kevvy!)

Also during the three weeks at the tandai I got to experience lots of traditional Japanese cultural activities, which was fantastic. Some of the activities were organised by the tandai, and some by my host mother. The family I was with for those three weeks had 2 grown up children, a boy, 26, lives in Nagoya so didn’t meet him, and Yaeko, 30ish who lives in Kanazawa so I met her a few times. And they were a very nice family and I enjoyed being there a lot. Also, because I didn’t have to be at the tandai til 9am I got to sleep in a little bit :D which was great! Anyway, so the cultural activities were: I got to put on a real kimono, tried Japanese archery, went to an onsen (hot springs), had a go at calligraphy, made ‘mochi,’ went to yet more tea ceremonies, and also more Karaoke :D

All of those experiences were totally amazing and I was very very grateful to have had the opportunity to do them. Probably my favourites were archery, onsen and calligraphy. I have since done calligraphy a couple of times and I think I might buy a calligraphy set so I can practice at home too because I quite enjoy it. In Japanese, the word means ‘way of writing’ because it’s a really disciplined thing. It’s not just about making the characters look pretty, it’s about technique and state of mind too. So it’s difficult, but I enjoy it. Putting on the kimono was a really long process and my arms hurt by the end, but it was incredibly beautiful. I got to wear the kimono that Yaeko wore for her ‘coming of age’ ceremony and it was such lovely material. I have some photos but a lot of them didn’t come out very clear unfortunately because my host mother moved the camera. Oh well, I have a couple of really clear ones and my memory so that is all that matters.

The archery was great fun because the 6 of us did it together, so once again there was lots of laughter. It was pretty difficult, and I was a bit scared at first because I was worried the bowstring would hit my fingers or my cheek. And I was frustrated because I didn’t understand how to make the arrow actually leave the bow! Haha. But I got there in the end and it was quite fun! :D
The onsen was a new experience as well, and I was pretty nervous about it before hand. For those of you who don’t know, an onsen is a hot spa where everyone is naked. Girls and boys are usually separated, although I have heard tell of places where they aren’t. I’m not sure if that’s true or if they were just trying to scary me! Haha. Anyway, as I am not in the habit of exposing my naked self to people, I was fairly nervous but it turned out to be not a problem at all. I went with my host mother and Jemima and Kate. I was glad the girls were there too because we just chatted and it was nice to share the experience with them too. It didn’t turn out to be scary either because everyone is naked and so it becomes normal, freeing even, and it’s just so relaxing in the hot water. So I ended up really really enjoying that experience and would like to do it again.

The mochi making also deserves particular mention because the boys we were sort of friends with (if you can call them look at us through bookshelves a friendship! ;P) organised it for us. Mochi is a type of Japanese snack made from pounding rice until it turns into this goo. I still haven’t decided if I like it or not. It’s not the taste that is the problem. It just tastes like rice, and then you put different things with it to flavour it. You can have it with heaps of things, from soy sauce to bean jam – yes, that’s right, more soy beans! It’s more the texture that I don’t like. It varies slightly in viscosity depending on who makes it but it’s generally just really sticky and tough. You have to chew it A LOT, and it’s kind of goey at the same time, which tends to put me at risk of setting of my gag reflex. It’s very hard to explain unless you’ve tried it. I don’t mind a little bit of it, but I can’t eat too much. I just feel like a cow chewing cud because it takes forever to eat just one mouthful.
Anyway so we got to help make it from scratch, which involved pounding the rice with a giant wooden hammer. It was fun, and also a bit daunting because it was us and the group who study engineering at the tandai. So, it was all boys. There were teacher there too of course, but it was just a bit scary to be that out numbered by boys, even though we knew some of them.
We also played badminton with them which was particularly hilarious because I am very uncoordinated! But it was fun. So that was a nice afternoon and I was glad they organised it.

That is about it from me for now.
Just thought I should update this again because it had been so long. I am counting down the days til I come home now. Only 16 sleeps! And I’ve been thinking a lot about next year and have many many plans. Can’t wait to get home and get working on them all J which reminds me of another Jamie Cullum song –
“oh resolutions,
baby they come and go,
will I do any of these things?
The answer’s probably no”

But I am also aware that I only have 2 weeks left and I should try to enjoy it, so I will. My friend Bek is coming to visit from Tokyo tomorrow, which I am REALLY REALLY excited about. Haven’t seen her all year (she’s been on uni exchange) so I cannot wait to catch up with her J And also I will get to meet the host brother too so that will be good. Talk about full house J and Yeah, just going to try to enjoy the last 2 weeks while they last, because I’m sure they’ll be over before I know it!

Love to everyone
Ellen xxx

posted by Ellen of Taranganba @ 9:16 PM